The Evolution of Male Socialization: Face, Social Responsibility, and Men's Existential Anxiety
Whether in the workplace or in society, many women can probably feel the differences between men and women in their actions and thinking. This is not only due to biological sex differences, but also related to the length of time men and women have been social beings. The background of our modern culture, politics, and society is, in essence, entirely because males do not need to conceive and raise children.
Basically, males are no longer needed after mating. After the male leaves his genetic material in the female's body, the important tasks of pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare fall entirely on the female. Compared to the female, who bears the responsibility of protecting and raising the next generation, males have it quite easy. In primitive societies, although men also bore the important responsibility of finding food and protecting women and children from enemies, without the burden of pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare, they had plenty of free time.
So, men used this extra time to update hunting methods, build houses, develop tools, perform rituals, paint murals, and so on, and culture began to emerge. Furthermore, in order for their own groups to function smoothly, men, as clan leaders, also had to communicate with the leaders of other clans. To protect their groups, they also had to learn strategies or engage in combat. The reason men enjoyed fighting so much was because they had to "protect what was important."
From this environment, leaders emerged within the group, and a system for unifying the opinions of all members was established. This continued to develop, eventually becoming the politics we know today. In other words, culture and politics were both established by men with free time, and their development culminated in their present form. It is said that humanity began to differentiate approximately five million years ago, after which human males began to live as social beings. During these five million years, men lived in two roles: as male animals and as social beings.
On the other hand, women, regardless of the era, are capable of pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare, bearing the significant responsibility of continuing life, and always prioritizing these tasks. This weighty mission remains unchanged even in the 21st century. Although women's participation in social affairs is now taken for granted, the crucial mission of "continuing life" still belongs to women alone.
Our society contains men who evolved from males to women, and women who remain true to their female instincts. This results in various differences in their actions and ways of thinking. For example, men, who have a longer history as social beings, place great importance on their reputation and image. Social aspects such as society, rules, and intellect are far more important than anything else; therefore, for men, being dishonest or losing face is the most intolerable thing.
"Which is more important, work or me?!" Men who are speechless when asked this question by women are often the kind of people who can't survive in society without saving face. You are important to me, but social responsibility is also very important to me, which is why they can't answer. So, for those men who are always busy with work and don't have time for you, instead of questioning him "Which is more important?", it's more effective to just tell him, "I'm lonely when you ignore me."
Asking you that question makes a man feel proud. Men are creatures who are very concerned about their image, a fact supported by statistics showing that divorced men have shorter lifespans. This is because divorce causes men to lose face in society, which is a huge blow to them, leaving them feeling down and affecting their health. For men, the idea that "building a nest = marriage" is largely driven by social motivations.
People who think, "It's about time to settle down," are often doing so because they're getting older, feel it's unseemly not to have a family, or for social reasons such as gaining social credibility. Therefore, divorce becomes a major reason for men to lose face in society, causing them immense distress. Women, however, approach marriage differently. They don't form families based on social status, but rather on their most fundamental instincts.
Men are perfectly accepting of arranged marriages, but most women, even when they tell others that they married after dating, are less likely to accept it psychologically. Why is this? Because women have an instinct to "choose good genes," and if they don't personally choose their partner, they can't psychologically accept their actions. Women form families based on instinct.
After marriage, women, too, follow their instincts to conceive, give birth, and protect their families. Thus, women naturally transform from female to woman, and naturally become mothers. Men, living within the framework of social responsibility, must shoulder the responsibility of protecting their families and their nations. As living beings, men are far weaker than women, yet socially, men must be stronger than women-this is the root of men's anxieties and sorrows. Men are simply creatures who transform from male to man.