Overcoming Fear and Anxiety: Case Analysis - A Wife's Effective Treatment for Husband's Erectile Dysfunction
**Avoid panic and fear; remain calm and composed.**
A driver, who developed erectile dysfunction in adulthood due to masturbation in his youth, came to me for treatment and was basically cured afterward. Suddenly one day, he came to see me again, this time in a foul mood and very upset. I asked him what was wrong, and he said, "I'm broken again, I can't do it anymore." It turned out that something unexpected had happened the previous Saturday night. He and his wife were happily making love at 11 pm when suddenly, a series of urgent knocks on the door abruptly interrupted their sweet intimacy. The driver was startled, feeling as if he'd been doused with cold water. Helplessly, he went to open the door, where a fawning smile appeared. It was their neighbor across the hall; he needed to move a cabinet the next day and was worried the driver's car would be occupied, so he knocked in the middle of the night to let them know. For such a small matter, the couple's intimate moment had been ruined.
If it were just a one-time disruption to his sex life, it wouldn't be a big deal. What was serious was that the driver was so shocked, frightened, and angry that he suddenly lost his sexual function. Not only could he not get up that night, but many days later, he was still anxious but nothing could help.
Disharmony in a couple's sex life inevitably leads to tension in family relationships. The driver's wife was crying and sobbing, unable to express her grievances. The driver himself also developed a mental disorder, becoming irritable and arguing with everyone he met. The discord in this small family triggered a chain reaction, affecting both sets of parents who also worried, fearing that this happy little family would collapse as a result.
I first provided him with psychological counseling. I told him that he was mainly traumatized and under immense stress, which triggered his sexual dysfunction. I advised him to let go of the situation, stop getting angry, and relieve his fear and anxiety. At the same time, based on his pulse, I prescribed sedatives, liver-soothing and blood-activating medications, and kidney-tonifying and aphrodisiac drugs. During the treatment, I also spoke with the driver's wife, asking her to cooperate with the treatment, to be understanding, considerate, and gentle with the driver, and not to provoke him or put pressure on him, so that his psychological trauma could heal gradually.
After much guidance and treatment, the driver's sexual function was restored more than two months later.
We can gain many insights and lessons from this case.
First, we should promote social morality and respect others' right to privacy. Many civilized apartment buildings abroad have "Do Not Disturb, Resting" signs to politely ask guests to leave. Our driver's door was unfortunately lacking such a sign. The neighbor who borrowed the car was also incredibly ignorant of social etiquette; such people are not uncommon in society. They only care about their own convenience, disregarding whether others can tolerate it. Whether you are eating, reading, entertaining guests, or sleeping, and regardless of any private matters in your home, they still come knocking. They neither contact you beforehand nor consider the host's time and health. These people lack both public morality and the ability to respect and care for others; they are also sexually ignorant. They are unaware of the many taboos surrounding sexual activity. The Qing Dynasty text *Yu Fang Mi Jue* (Secrets of the Jade Chamber) records "Three Taboos": "One should avoid extreme cold or heat, strong winds or heavy rain, solar or lunar eclipses, earthquakes or thunder and lightning-these are taboos of Heaven. One should avoid being drunk or overeating, experiencing joy, anger, sorrow, resentment, or fear-these are taboos of Man. One should avoid mountains, rivers, altars, and the places of the gods of the land, wells, and stoves-these are taboos of Earth. Even if one avoids all three taboos, doing so will lead to illness, and one's children will surely have short lives." The driver encountered the "Taboo of Man" among these three taboos, specifically violating the prohibition against joy, anger, sorrow, and fear in sexual matters, thus "inevitably leading to illness." The neighbor who knocked on the door, also unaware of these "Three Taboos," recklessly knocked on the door in the middle of the night, invading someone's privacy and causing them such great mental trauma and physical illness; he too should be morally condemned.
Secondly, external interference with sexual life is sometimes unavoidable. If an unexpected event occurs, the man should remain calm and not blame others. He should understand that such unexpected events causing erectile dysfunction are temporary and not permanent. Because of the sudden shock, the cerebral cortex is highly tense, temporarily inhibiting the sexual center. Once the stimulus is removed, function will naturally recover. Therefore, carrying a heavy psychological burden like that driver did will only prolong and make the temporary erectile dysfunction more difficult to cure.
**Love is care-when a husband suffers from erectile dysfunction, his wife is his best healer.**
People often say that home is a safe haven and a place of comfort. When a man suffers from erectile dysfunction, in addition to seeking medical treatment in a timely manner, the cooperation of his wife is even more important. Because the wife is her husband's intimate partner, she understands his psychological state best and can provide him with timely emotional support. Therefore, the wife should be her husband's "good doctor."
So, how can a wife be a good doctor for her husband? As a wife, when her husband complains of erectile dysfunction, she should offer him care and comfort. Couples spend every day together, and often a tender touch, a gesture, a word, or a loving glance can facilitate emotional communication and provide immense comfort to each other. Therefore, when a husband is ill, especially with erectile dysfunction caused by psychological factors, he needs his wife's help even more. A wife's psychological comfort will have a very positive effect.
First, offer him emotional support and help him build confidence in overcoming the illness. A husband suffering from erectile dysfunction is already experiencing immense emotional distress and feels guilty towards his wife. The wife must not blame him, speak coldly, or belittle him; this will only increase his guilt and anxiety, potentially leading to a loss of confidence and worsening his condition. The wife should show care and consideration for her husband, work together to identify the reasons for his failures, alleviate his fear and tension, and help him regain his spirits and a cheerful mood, thus promoting a faster recovery. A husband with erectile dysfunction may experience a sense of marital crisis. The wife should try to adjust their relationship, rekindling memories of courtship, marriage, and honeymoon to rekindle their love and deepen their mutual affection, thereby alleviating her husband's anxieties.
Secondly, it's crucial to identify the root cause of erectile dysfunction. For example, if the husband is unhappy at work and experiencing prolonged depression, help him analyze the situation and improve his work-life balance. A smoother work environment naturally leads to a better mood. If the erectile dysfunction is caused by long-term depression, provide comfort and reassurance, and be extra gentle with him. For instance, before intercourse, the wife should change her passive role and take the initiative, creating a pleasurable atmosphere, which greatly helps alleviate the erectile dysfunction. If it's due to physical weakness and fatigue, ensure he gets adequate rest and recovers his strength. If it's caused by a poor environment or psychological stress from sleeping with children, have the children sleep in a separate bed to eliminate these factors. In short, addressing these specific issues will quickly restore sexual function.
When a husband suffers from erectile dysfunction, the wife needs to control the frequency of sexual intercourse to prevent him from making blind and ineffective efforts. Sometimes it is even necessary to stop for 1 to 2 months and then gradually resume.
In addition, it's important to take good care of your husband in daily life, regulate his diet, and increase his intake of zinc-rich foods such as oysters. Encourage him to exercise, improve his physical condition, and quit smoking and drinking; these are fundamental to curing erectile dysfunction. Couples should be considerate, understanding, and caring towards each other, creating a positive, comfortable, happy, and warm environment together. In this way, the condition will heal quickly.
Last year, a young man came to see me. He was in his mid-thirties and had been married for six years without children. For the first year or two, their sex life was normal; they hadn't had children early because of their careers. However, about three years into their marriage, one night after drinking, his wife wasn't satisfied with their sex life, and she called him useless and stupid. He felt very awkward. The next time they had sex, he became anxious and increasingly unable to satisfy her. His erectile dysfunction worsened, to the point that he couldn't conceive for six years. When this young man came to see me, I suggested that his wife come with him. He said, "She doesn't want to come; she thinks it's embarrassing. She even said she'd divorce me if I couldn't cure her!" I said, "Without your wife, your condition is difficult to cure. You're under too much mental pressure." The young man himself admitted that after taking my medication, he could get an erection even without intercourse, but when they had sex at night, he would try to stay calm, but as soon as they touched, his heart would pound, and then he would lose control.
To get his wife to come, I had the young man take a letter with him. I told his wife that his erectile dysfunction was mainly functional, caused by excessive stress, so she had to comfort him, cooperate with him, and help him truly relax in order to cure him. She absolutely had to accompany him to the hospital for consultation.
Unexpectedly, his wife was very disgusted by the letter, saying, "Isn't this just humiliating me?" and became even less willing to come. To help the young man, I wrote another letter to his wife, explaining that her husband's condition was functional, and only she truly knew why he was impotent. The solution lay with her; treating his impotence required her guidance and help him build confidence. As a urologist, I was acting for the sake of their family harmony, not intentionally humiliating her. She had misunderstood the letter her husband had sent last time; she may lack sexual knowledge and didn't understand the principle that couples should be treated together. Coming to our hospital, she would understand. Most men seeking treatment for urological conditions are accompanied by their wives; treatment is a collaborative effort, not a matter of humiliating anyone.
The letter finally moved his wife. She went to the urology hospital and, sure enough, both husband and wife needed treatment. I explained it to her again. Although she still called him "useless" and "stupid," I told the young man: "Your wife says that to save face and show off. Actually, she will be considerate and cooperative when you get home. You should also take the initiative."
Later, after some adjustments, and with the young man taking the Chinese medicine I prescribed, his sexual function recovered, and he even had a son. They lived a happy and fulfilling life.