Article 46: Painful Intercourse and Psychological Adjustment for Sexual Boredom in Middle-Aged Couples
14. Painful intercourse
Dyspareunia refers to the pain experienced by women during sexual intercourse when the penis is inserted into the vagina, which can hinder sexual arousal. It is one of the most common sexual dysfunctions in women.
Causes of painful intercourse
(1) Organic lesions
Such as congenital malformations, scars, pelvic infections, endometritis, ovarian cysts, tumors, etc.
(2) Tearing of the hymen, perineum or vagina
(3) Decreased vaginal discharge
Postmenopausal women experience decreased estrogen levels, reduced vaginal secretions, and thinner, drier vaginal walls, making them more prone to pain during intercourse.
(4) Psychological factors
Fear, tension, and anxiety about sexual intercourse can cause involuntary contractions of the vaginal muscles, making penile insertion difficult and causing pain.
Treatment and management of dyspareunia
(1) Treatment of organic lesions
If the pain during intercourse is caused by a gynecological disease, you should seek medical treatment promptly.
(2) Use lubricant
For women experiencing painful intercourse due to decreased vaginal secretions after menopause, applying an estrogen-containing lubricant (or a regular lubricant) to the vaginal walls before each sexual intercourse can significantly reduce discomfort and pain during penile insertion, relieving or eliminating pain during intercourse.
(3) Enhance the relationship between husband and wife and strengthen communication between them.
Satisfactory sex life depends on the mutual understanding and cooperation of both partners. A good marital relationship is essential for reducing or even eliminating pain during intercourse and achieving a satisfying sex life. It can stimulate the wife's libido and sexual desire, stimulating the vagina to secrete abundant lubricating fluid, facilitating smooth penile insertion and initiating sexual activity.
(4) Learn and master sexual intercourse skills
For more detailed information on this topic, please refer to the entries on "vaginism" and "frigidity," which will be omitted here.
15. Sexual boredom and psychological adjustment in middle-aged couples
As people reach middle age, couples often experience boredom and dullness in their sex life. This is mainly because long-term marriage makes both partners too familiar with each other's bodies and sexual responses, resulting in a lack of novelty. At the same time, work pressure, household chores, and children's education can also consume a lot of energy, affecting libido.
Adjusting to sexual boredom in middle-aged couples
(1) Innovative lifestyle
Try new sexual positions, locations, and times to break the monotony of your sex life and add a sense of novelty.
(2) Strengthen emotional communication
Sexual activity is not just a physiological act, but also an emotional exchange. Couples should communicate more, share their feelings and needs, and enhance intimacy.
(3) Create a romantic atmosphere
Regularly schedule time for just the two of you, such as dates or trips, to rekindle the feelings you had when you were dating. Candlelight dinners, music, and flowers can all create a romantic atmosphere.
(4) Maintain good health
Moderate physical exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep can help maintain libido and sexual function.
(5) Seek professional help when necessary.
If sexual aversion severely affects the marital relationship, you can seek help from a sex therapist or psychologist.
Things to note about sexual activity for older adults
Older adults face some unique challenges in their sex lives. Due to the decline in sexual function, they may experience slow penile erection, reduced vaginal lubrication, or vaginal atrophy during intercourse, which can lead to difficulties or pain during intercourse.
The basic method to address slow penile erection in elderly men is to prolong the foreplay period before intercourse.
Foreplay before intercourse can be effective in overcoming decreased vaginal lubrication in older women. However, there is a possibility that foreplay alone may not be enough to induce sufficient vaginal lubrication for successful intercourse. In such cases, lubricants or appropriate sex hormones may be used. Whether using lubricants or medication, it must be done under the guidance of a doctor; never attempt it yourself or trust quacks.
It's important to note that sexual activity in the elderly differs somewhat from that of younger people. The sex lives of the elderly tend to diverge: some maintain good libido and sexual function, enjoying sex like younger people; others experience a significant decline in sexual function, requiring more caresses and longer foreplay. Regardless of the situation, the elderly should maintain a moderate level of sexual activity, as this is beneficial to their physical and mental health.
Characteristics of sexual life of elderly couples
(1) Slower sexual response speed. It is normal for older people to take longer to achieve sexual arousal, and there is no need to worry.
(2) Decreased frequency of sexual intercourse. As people age, the frequency of sexual intercourse will naturally decrease, but quality is more important than quantity.
(3) Emotional communication is more important. Older people pay more attention to the emotional component of sex life, and intimate behaviors such as hugging, caressing, and kissing often bring more satisfaction than intercourse itself.
(4) Pay attention to safety. Elderly people, especially those with cardiovascular diseases, should be moderate in their sexual activity and avoid excessive excitement and strenuous exercise.
16. Sexual psychological health care for older men and younger women
In recent years, it has become increasingly common for couples registering their marriages in Chinese cities to have husbands who are ten to twenty or even thirty years older than their wives. Due to this significant age difference in sexual physiology and psychology, disharmony often arises in the sex life of older men and younger women, primarily manifested in the husband's inability to satisfy the wife's needs. If this is not addressed effectively and promptly, it can directly affect the marital relationship, and in severe cases, lead to the dissolution of the marriage. Therefore, the sexual psychological well-being of couples with a significant age gap is of paramount importance.
Male sexual psychological adjustment
(1) Upholding the "leader" role in sexual life
For older husbands, even if their libido isn't as strong as their partners', they should still take the initiative and control their marital sex life. This allows them to plan their sex life more according to their own desires and physical condition, controlling its intensity and frequency, which will also help their wives gradually adapt to their husbands' sexual rhythm.
(2) Prepare for sexual intercourse
Husbands with a significant age gap should pay more attention to foreplay and caresses before intercourse. By kissing and touching, they can fully arouse their wives' sexual desire, allowing them to experience a considerable degree of sexual pleasure before actual intercourse. This way, their wives will not place too much importance on the quality of the intercourse that follows.
(3) Make your wife feel loved at all times.
Sexual psychology research shows that regardless of age, women derive significant pleasure from intimate physical contact and always crave affection from their partners. Many women in relationships with much younger partners have revealed that they experience immense satisfaction when they receive the kind of affection an older brother might show to a younger sister from their husbands. Husbands should and can make their younger wives feel loved and pampered at all times, and this affection can powerfully complement their sexual desire.
Female sexual psychological adjustment
(1) Accept the differences between each other from the heart.
For a young wife, having chosen a much older man as her life partner, she must accept everything about him, including his current sexual and physiological state. She cannot expect him to be like a young man or a middle-aged man; otherwise, the marriage cannot be sustained. This age difference manifests not only in sexual relations but also in energy and physical strength. Accepting these differences is the foundation of marital happiness.
(2) Actively cooperate with husband
Young wives should not passively wait for their husbands to satisfy them, but should actively cooperate, helping their husbands relax and eliminate their tension and anxiety through caresses, kisses, and verbal communication. At the same time, wives should also learn to satisfy some of their own sexual needs through masturbation, reducing their excessive dependence on their husbands.
(3) Cultivate common interests and hobbies
Besides sex, couples should also share other common interests, such as taking walks together, listening to music, or traveling. A rich and varied lifestyle can enhance their relationship and reduce excessive focus on sex.
(4) Maintain good communication
When sexual relations are not harmonious, wives should express their feelings to their husbands gently, rather than complaining or blaming. Good communication can help both parties find solutions to the problem.